It’s Friday night and you and a pal just powered up Halo for some cooperative blasting, but then your non-gaming girlfriend crashes the party, blowing a hole through your plans faster than a Covenant plasma rifle. Don’t switch the channel to TLC just yet. EGM consulted a panel of “experts”—actually, six top psychologists, psychiatrists, and anthropologists from the past century—and translated their theories on what makes women tick into games that’ll kickstart their videogame cravings. Some of these games even have a gun or two.

Strategy #1: Let Her Skip the Stuff She Hates

Shrink rap: Philosopher/psychologist Carl Jung wasn’t troubled by a girlfriend who refused to play videogames in 1921. Probably had something to do with games not being invented for another 50 years, but we’d like to give credit to his understanding that women are “extroverted intuitives” who jump from one thing to the next without solving the prior problem.

How does that help you? Jung’s theory suggests you can lure your girlfriend into play with nonlinear titles; if she can’t get through a frustrating level three, choose games where she can skip level three and go straight to four. Just don’t test this theory on a first date.

Enabling Games

Super Mario Sunshine (GC)—No need to commit to one stage here. She can skip to lots of levels from the game’s hub world.

Knights of the Old Republic (XB)—This epic roleplayer packs a galaxy of planets she can visit in any order. Satisfies her bad-boy fantasies, too.

SSX 3 (PS2/XB/GC)—Right from the get-go, she’ll have an entire mountain of open-ended, big-air runs to choose from.

Strategy #2: Give Her Something She Can Relate To

Shrink rap: Pop psychologist John Gray wrote in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, “Just as a man is fulfilled through working out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through talking about the details of her problems.” In other words, ladies dig the whole interpersonal-relationship thing, solving problems via conversation and building alliances rather than with a grenade launcher.

How does that help you? Level after level of solo missions with little character interaction just grates on a gal’s nerves. Role-playing and story-driven games give her a return on her emotional investment. Just don’t tell her she’s too emotional.

Enabling Games

Way of the Samurai 2 (PS2)—Talk ain’t cheap in this samurai-lifestyle sim. How you talk to people and whom you work for shape your destiny.

Final Fantasy X (PS2)—Square Enix’s Final Fantasy series has character development to spare.

Paper Mario 2 (GC)—This RPG’s colorful cast and cutesy art style will give her multiple Nintendogasms.

Strategy #3: Let Her Be a Bad Girl

Shrink rap: If you’re convinced your partner will never actually play the kind of evil-hearted games you like, guess again. Camille Paglia wrote in her 1990 book, Sexual Personae, “Tragic woman is less moral than man.” Translation: Don’t underestimate her desire to be wicked once in a while.

How does that help you? Paglia isn’t advising that you ditch your true love for an emotional train wreck. Rather, celebrate your girlfriend’s bad days by sticking her behind the controls of a tragic game hero or heroine, or behind the wheel of a visceral smash-em-up. Crime pays and everyone’s happy. Just don’t make cracks about her driving later.

Enabling Games

Burnout 3 (PS2/XB)—All the fun of a horrific drivers’ ed film without all the blood on the highway.

Fable (XB)—As in Knights of the Old Republic, she can take her character down the dark path in this medieval adventure.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (PS2/XB)—Satisfy her need to speed, shoot, and start a criminal empire all in one go.

Strategy #4: Turn On, Play, Repeat

Shrink rap: OK, so Margaret Mead is more of a famous anthropologist than a psychologist, but she still sets the sexes straight with her uncanny observations. “Women have a capacity for monotonous work that men do not share,” Mead said in 1949, adding that guys are more capable of sudden spurts of energy followed by a need for rest and a “reassemblage of resources.”

How does that help you? Your girlfriend will respond to puzzle games, sports games, fighters—really any title in which the basic function is repeated and minor goals are met. Monotony might get her hooked. After all, she puts up with you.

Enabling Games

Soul Calibur II (PS2/XB/GC)—If you’re gonna woo her with a fighting game, it might as well be the best.

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life (GC)—Simulates the simple life of a farmer, complete with—cha-ching!—horse grooming. She’s so there.

The Sims Bustin’ Out (PS2/XB/GC)—Because what could be more monotonous than a game that simulates real life?

Strategy #5: Have It Her Way

Shrink rap: Sigmund Freud more or less said in 1905 that women might like videogames in which they can explore cautiously and act when they’re ready, while men may like games that let them “assertively” conquer their surroundings. Freud says that at puberty, guys begin to push forward to complement girls’ desire to “hold back” or show “repression.”

How does that help you? To get her to play without scaring her off, introduce her to games that let her discover at her own pace, without time limits and other restrictions. Be sure, however, to choose those that require her to do something, eventually, to progress the game.

Enabling Games

Animal Crossing (GC)—This town is plenty big enough for her to gossip with neighbors, craft clothes, gussy up the house—whatever she wants.

Tony Hawk’s Underground (PS2/XB/GC)—She can skate and/or die at her own pace in this game’s sprawling ’hoods.

Spider-Man 2 (PS2/XB/GC)—Let crime sort itself out—she’ll have a blast just web-swinging around the Big Apple.

Strategy #6: Talk the Talk

Shrink rap: All other traits aside, communication is the feature most likely to intrigue your girlfriend. Deborah Tannen supports this in her book, You Just Don’t Understand, in which she argues that women use conversation to “establish closeness,” while men use conversation to gain information.

How does that help you? Keep your eyes open for games that allow group participation or strong character interaction in co-op mode. Use any information she divulges during play to your advantage later.

Enabling Games

Pikmin 2 (GC)—Help her flora battle evil fauna in the two-player challenge game, but be prepared to console her if her plantling army eats it.

Phantasy Star Online: Episode I & II (XB/GC)—Cooperate, tour exotic lands, slay alien critters—playing PSO with her is like going on a vacation...in spaaaace!

Final Fantasy XI (PS2)—She’ll find hundreds of pals in this online RPG. Just make sure some elvaan lothario doesn’t steal her virtual heart.

One More Thing…

Can a century of psychology be wrong? Maybe. But if one of these six strategies isn’t getting her hooked, mix and match them. Sooner or later she’ll find something she likes. Just don’t get frustrated when your girl starts beating you at your own games. And if all fails and she refuses to touch your joypad, the least you can do is feed her some lines the next time you’re geeking out with your gaming pals. All she’s gotta say is, “Gaming just hasn’t been the same since the Super Nintendo days,” and she’s in. Or, even better: “I’d do Chun-li.”

Copyright © 2004 Ziff Davis Media Inc. All Rights Reserved. Originally appearing in Electronic Gaming Monthly.