Why get pencil-neck geeks to review the latest and greatest in home entertainment when we could get Gregg Valentino, the man with the world's biggest arms, to pump through them. Even better, we let them both flex their muscles.

GAMES

Jak II, PS2

THE GEEKS SAY: Though only Jak gets title credit, his partner, Dexter, returns for this sequel as well. New weapons, rides, and complex story lines make it play almost like Grand Theft Auto, but that's not a bad thing. More than an hour of movie-quality in-game cinematics makes it one of the most visually stunning titles ever.

--DEXTER JACOBS

GREGG SAYS: It's very Tomb Raider-ish, but without Lara Croft. That one chick on the inside of the box, she's all right for a redhead, but I haven't seen her anywhere. Maybe if I could get to level two--video games aren't my thing.

[D]

Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando, PS2

The geeks say: A tougher Ratchet & Clank return for this ass-kicking sequel, but the plot and gameplay is similar to the first--you're going from planet to planet bashing things, gathering up nuts and bolts, and collecting super-fun weapons. Best of all, if you stilt have your memory card from the original, you can bring all your old weapons onboard for free.

--DJ

GREGG SAYS: What the hell is this? I told you, I don't like that fantasy stuff. I'm more into that last game. My kids might like it, though, if I got to keep it. I don't get to keep it, do I? Did I tell you I have kids?

[B]

Deus Ex: Invisible War

XBOX

THE GEEKS SAY: Die-hard garners may complain that this latest installment isn't as detailed as the original. Regardless, the one-man

army returns, and this time it's got terrorists in the crosshairs. Sure, each weapon might take only one type of ammo, but how many ways do you need to skin a cat anyway?

--DJ

GREGG SAYS: Very timely, about terrorism. I like playing things like this, but I wouldn't be a very good spy in real life. I talk too much. I'd probably tell the wrong girl I was a spy just to impress her, and get killed.

[C]

DVDs

Scarf ace UNIVERSAL

THE GEEKS SAY: Greatest gangster film ever. Al Pacino lights it up as Tony Montana, teaching rappers everywhere what gangsta style is really all about. Bonus: Interviews with hip-hop artists, deleted scenes, and "making of" documentaries.

--DEAN BRIERLY

GREGG SAYS: Pacino is amazing! And the movie's loaded with great quotes. My favorite is, "Say good night to the bad guy!" I used to say that to my ex-wife when I'd go out at night. 'I'm going out--say good night to the bad guy!'"

[E]

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre PIONEER

THE GEEKS SAY: Girls in tight shirts. Insane hitchhiker. Girls on meat hooks. Psycho in human-skin mask. Girls in deep freezers. Buckets of blood. Extras include deleted scenes, commentary, and even a blooper reel.

--DB

GREGG SAYS: I remember when it first came out; I thought it was really scary then, and it still is. This guy uses a chainsaw to kill people. I'm not that handy ... I wonder if I could rip a person apart with my arms. I have ripped some ass apart, though! With my face, too!

[C]

X2: X-Men United

FOX

THE GEEKS SAY: We have no idea what's going on in this movie. But with sexy mutants Halle Berry and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos throwin' down, retina-searing special effects, and a soundtrack that left us deaf in both ears, we're happy. Two featurettes, plus deleted/extended scenes, make us happier still.

--DS

GREGG SAYS: I'm not really a fan of comic-book, fantasy stuff. I like that Halle Berry, though. I'd like to eat her berry, but everybody cheats on her. I wonder why? Hey, you know who's hot? That girl in Pirates of the Caribbean--Keira Knightley!

[B]

CDs

CEE-LO, Cee-Lo Green Is the Soul Machine

ARISTA

THE GEEKS SAY: Simply put, for those who don't know, Cee-Lo (formerly of the Goodie Mob) sounds like a male Macy Gray. The follow-up to his critically acclaimed 2002 solo debut, Soul Machine, picks up right where Perfect Imperfections left off. Funky, soulful, and innovative.

--ADAM MARKOSH

GREGG SAYS: I've heard worse. It's definitely got a good beat, but I wouldn't go out and buy it. I like the beats, but if you can't hear what the hell he's talkin' about, what's the point?

[D]

AIR, Talkie Walkie

ASTRALWERKS

THE GEEKS SAY: The kings of chill-out electronica return with more chili-out electronica. It's good, but so were their other albums. For all but die-hard fans, the differences will be hard to spot.

-AM

GREGG SAYS: Tommy Mottola is my cousin, so I like to think I know something about music. I gotta be honest--this is the worst. If your friends came in and you were listening to this, they'd kill you.

[C]

TANTRIC, After We Go

MAVERICK

THE GEEKS SAY: The latest from Tantric is nothing short of amazing. The vocals may sound somewhat Creed-ish, but don't let it deter you. Hard-rocking guitars, emotion-packed cock-rock, and not a hint of God to get in the way.

--AM

GREGG SAYS: When you hear a good rock band, you want to go, "Dude, what is that?" This isn't bad, but I really wouldn't care enough to ask. This just sounds like every other band on the radio.

[D]

RATINGS SYSTEM (Based on the geeks' and Gregg's combined opinions)

[A] Avoid at all costs Not worth picking up.

[B] OK Play it if you must, but you may want to rack it again later.

[C] Good Worth at least a few reps.

[D] Great Awesome. Pump it up.

[E] A must-buy Blast it hard. Harder! Till your ears swell like Gregg's arms.

COPYRIGHT 2004 Weider Publications
COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group