Who would come out on top in a Splinter Cell Pandora Tomorrow online battle, Taiwan’s President Chen or China’s Hu Jintao? And more important, who would play as the mercenary? President Chen is no stranger to close victories, so we put our money on him, with Jintao getting booted for abusive language. Here’s your PG-rated Mandarin Chinese crash course for Xbox Live:

Good morning.

Zao.

My name is ______.

Wo shi _______ la.

You are really good! Ni hao qiang o!

You really suck!

Lan huo!

Dammit!

Kao!

Can you speak English?

Hui ying wen ma?

I’m going to log off.

Wo yao xia xian le.

Thanks for playing!

Xie la!

Let’s play again sometime!

Gai tian zai wan ba!

How old are you?

Ni jing nien ji suay?

What other games do you play online?

Ni zai wan suhn hai wan suh-muh?

Copyright © 2005 Ziff Davis Media Inc. All Rights Reserved. Originally appearing in Xbox Nation.